So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
