If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
