john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
