I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
