when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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