Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
