You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
