If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
