his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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