do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
