I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
