Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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