OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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