dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You ate ashes out of my bong
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
