why im i the only drunk person in the library?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
