Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
