I accidentally had phone sex last night
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
