He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
