I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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