your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
