Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
