I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
