I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
