I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
