yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
