on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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