Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
