i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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