Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
