please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
