I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
