I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
