i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
