its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
