Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
