At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
