He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
