PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
