I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
