I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
