your room smells of hookers.
And success
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
