oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
