I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
