I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
