I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
