Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
