Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
