upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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