I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
