her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
