Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
