I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
