in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
